I ask one fun question at the end of each Unit in my online Bio 30 class...

13. How much wood could a woodchuck, chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The second unit is over are you even happier?

The amount of wood that woodchucks would chuck on a given day varies greatly with the individual woodchuck. According to a Wall Street Journal article, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas found that a woodchuck could chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equal to 700 pounds.
Some say it depends on three factors:

• The woodchuck's desire to chuck said wood.

• The woodchuck's need to chuck the aforementioned wood.

• The woodchuck's ability to chuck the wood when it is a woodchuck

Others say:

• The woodchuck could chuck as much wood as he wanted!
• "Sixteen and 1/2 board feet a day- except on Groundhog's Day since groundhog is another name for woodchuck."- This answer is according to no less an authority than the 'Junior Woodchucks Guidebook', a publication often consulted by Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck and referred to yet again by them in answering this very same question.
• How Chuck Norris got involved-A woodchuck would only chuck as much would as Chuck Norris would allow it to, because the woodchuck shares Chuck's name. Therefore, Chuck must punish it and make it chuck as much wood as Chuck can. So, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as Chuck could.
• None because a wood chuck cannot chuck wood!
• Approximately 3.9675 pounds every 5.6843 seconds. So there.
• 2.865 lbs every 11.3686 Seconds?
• As much as he needed to be satisfied.
• It could chuck a lot. But it definitely couldn't chuck Chuck Norris.
• A group of people actually did a study on this. None of the woodchucks ate any wood planks so they never upchucked it but some of them chucked them (threw them) at people.
• During my study of Woodchuck I came to the conclusion that woodchucks don't chuck wood but only drink beer.
• However, this beer can frequently motivate them towards actions that can closely resemble the chucking of wood.
• A woodchuck will only chuck certain wood, likely that which is found in their natural, prairie habitat. Therefore, the lack of trees on the prairie is quite closely related to the chucking of wood performed by these wood-chucking woodchucks.
• Since it is the same animal as the Groundhog, should we not instead ask : how much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog would hog ground.
• The above is pretty goood, but I think that the groundhog would be hogging sod.
• 315g. This was an estimate done in a book of useless trivia.
• A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck - if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
• About as many good cookies a good cook could cook, if a good cook could cook cookies good.
• About as many boards as the bored Mongol hordes would hoard if the bored Mongol hordes did hoard boards in gourds.
• He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, he would, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
• If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!
• If a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would and should chuck wood. But if woodchucks can't chuck wood, they shouldn't and wouldn't chuck wood. Though were I a woodchuck, and I chucked wood, I would chuck wood with the best woodchucks that chucked wood.
• If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then s/he'd chuck all the wood, s/he'd chuck and chuck and chuck and chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
• It would chuck the amount of wood equal to the seashells that sweet Suzy Shoreham sells by the seashore divided by how many primary pickled peppers Peter Piper picks.
• One quarter of a sycamore if you give him a quarter for every quarter of the sycamore he cut.
• It might depend on how many female woodchucks were present. Or, it could depend on whether the woodchuck's mother-in-law was around or not. If she was, he'd be chucking all day. If not, he'd be watching the football game.
• Some maintain that woodchucks could not and would not chuck wood at all.
• It depends on how good his dentures are!
• A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. But unfortunately, woodchucks do not chuck wood.
• About 5.72 fluid litres of wood
• About as many boards as the Mongol hoards would hoard if the Mongol hordes did hoard boards.
• Tons. More than you can count. Honestly. No one can chuck more would than a woodchuck.
• If the woodchuck's name was Maurice, then it could chuck all the wood that it wants to. However, if its name is Frank, no chucking would be for it.
• Due to the average size of a woodchuck and the general density of wood (not including cork [which is actually bark]) if a woodchuck could chuck wood it would probably get through about 6.573 pounds per day, assuming the woodchuck is functioning correctly.
• Using the formula: (W + I) * C where W = the constant of wood, which is well known to be 61, as agreed in many scientific circles. I = the variable in this equation, and stands for the word "if" from the original problem. As there are three circumstances, with 0 equaling the chance that the woodchuck cannot chuck wood, 1 being the theory that the woodchuck can chuck wood but chooses not to, and 2 standing for the probability that the woodchuck can and will chuck wood, we clearly must choose 2 for use in this equation. C = the constant of Chuck Norris, whose presence in any problem involving the word chuck must there, is well known to equal 1.1 of any known being, therefore the final part of this calculation is 1.1. As is clear, this appears to give the answer of (61 + 2) * 1.1 = (63) * 1.1 = 69.3. However, Chuck Norris' awesome roundhouse kick declares that all decimal points cannot be used in formulas such as this, and so it must be rounded to the final solution of 69 units of wood.
• How Chuck Norris got involve: A woodchuck would only chuck as much would as Chuck Norris would allow it to, because the woodchuck shares Chuck's name. Therefore, Chuck must punish it and make it chuck as much wood as Chuck can. So, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as Chuck could.
• I disagree with above: A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck until Chuck Norris got there.
• None, because a woodchuck can't chuck wood!